National Tragedy: Bush Daughter Not Getting Married

Barbara Bush disappoints us all with false nuptial alarm

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Rumored summer wedding could have offered a much-needed distraction from the "actual news."

    Everybody's feeling a little gloomy these days, what with the terrible economy and two wars and pirate attacks all the time. What's a president to do? Well, a responsible leader would stage a beautiful White House wedding and marry off one of his daughters, in order to give America something to feel happy about in the midst of our poverty and despair.

    But according to American custom President Obama's daughters are just a smidge too young, so we're looking to some brave Republicans to step up to the plate. For a while it appeared that ex-VP candidate Sarah Palin might offer up her eldest daughter for national cheering-up duties, but Bristol's relationship with the father of her little baby appears to have hit the skids.

    Thus an anxious nation naturally turned to Barbara Bush, the sole remaining unwed adult daughter of George W. Bush. And for a little while it looked like she'd actually get married! An unnamed "source" said that Barbara was going to marry her college boyfriend, Jay Blount, in Kennebunkport this summer.

    But now it appears she, too, will deny us this small modicum of comfort:

    Bush was reportedly set to marry her boyfriend, Jay Blount, this summer. However, a Bush family source denies the claim that a wedding is being planned. The source said, “The story is absolutely not true.”

    Well fine then. If Barbara Bush won't do the patriotic thing and get married then she is just as bad as Dick Cheney, times a million.

    Celebrity journalist Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.