Listen man, I know you've been following what's been going on with Yu Darvish and the Texas Rangers. It's clear to anyone who's been paying attention that you were waiting for the Darvish domino to fall before making your decision.
All we keep hearing is that your top choices of where you want to go are D.C., Baltimore and good ol' Dallas-Fort Worth-Arlington.
I've seen "The Wire" and who wants to be surrounded by all those dirty politicians? DFW is the place to be. There are restaurants galore, plenty of nightclubs for you to go spend your money at, the DART rail goes all the way to Denton now! I could go on for days here, but I think you're getting the picture.
You helped the lowly Milwaukee Brewers have their best season since the 1980s, but it still ended in the NLCS. This team has won two straight ALCS titles and was one strike away, TWICE, from winning the World Series back in October. I'm sure you saw it.
Now, the Rangers have Darvish. He'll get that final strike.
Oh, and did I mention your protection in the lineup? You + Rangers Ballpark + Rangers lineup = completely awesome.
Not seeing many good pitches? Don't worry. Josh Hamilton will be hitting in front of you, and Adrian Beltre will be hitting behind you. Or maybe it will be Nelson Cruz, or maybe Mike Napoli. Ya dig?
It's obvious you want to be here. Otherwise, you would've signed with one of those other dumpy franchises by now. The Rangers are claiming they don't have the finances after the Darvish signing to bring you in. I call shenanigans. Face it, you aren't going to get eight years from anyone, or it would've happened by now. You might not even get six or seven. Take five with all kinds of incentives that you know you'll reach with your swing and that short right-field porch, and you'll be good to go.
Just c'mon, man. I hate to go all LeBron on you, but just think: Not 1, not 2, not 3 ...