Welcome to the Weekend Watch List, where we identify for all you sad shut-ins out there (in there?) five things on TV this weekend that might take the sting out of opening that delinquent cable bill with the red line across the envelope.
RICKY GERVAIS SHOW / LIFE & TIMES OF TIM - 9 and 9:30PM Friday (HBO)
The former features Gervais' co-conspirator Stephen Merchant recounting the horrifying massacre of 42 midgets slaughtered by a savage lion, in the latter our hero and some friends encounter a stripper who is a dead ringer for Tim's ex. Be warned, however, both these entertainments can get a little blue.
YOU'RE KID ATE WHAT? - 9:00PM Saturday (TLC)
It's the premiere episode of the show that documents all manner of terrible things they must be surgically remove from your undernourished, ill-informed children. Why did this take so long to be developed?
DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN - 10:00PM Saturday (IFC)
Historians claim there was a time when Madonna was a cutting-edge musical artist with a promising film career ahead of her -- this movie is the only evidence that remains of that era.
WINTER OLYMPICS - 3:00PM Sunday (NBC)
All real Americans will be tuning in early to witness the coronation of the U.S. hockey team as they vanquish (insert country here) and then come in for a soft landing from the high with the closing ceremonies at 8, after which we can all get back to our regularly scheduled programming.
UNDERCOVER BOSS: "WHITE CASTLE" - 8:00PM (CBS)
Hats off to any CEO willing to wrap him- or herself in polyester and take out the trash for a week or two. And god bless anyone with the wherewithal to put it on TV.