Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and prepare to announce to the world tomorrow night where you will be going. Will it be Miami? Will it be Cleveland? What’s that? You’re going to TOPEKA?! All this waiting for that? LET’S GO!
TOP CHEF – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Teasers for tonight’s episode promise the return of them fightin’ Voltaggio brothers tonight. This makes sense, given they’re DC guys and the show is in DC this year (Michael “Jersey Shore” dude is also coming back for this one), but it’s never a good omen for a show like this when I get jazzed about seeing the people from LAST season return. I should be more excited about the present cast, and I’m not. Also tonight, the chefs have to make baby food for Padma’s newborn. Oh, so these chefs are your personal wet nurses now, lady? This is like when they had to cater Gail Simmons’ engagement party. TOP CHEF IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL PEAPOD SERVICE, HOSTS. Anyway, I’m sure the newborn will spit out everything and somehow manage to throw the spoon despite Padma’s best attempts to prevent it from happening. That’s just what newborns do. They’re sneaky little things. ANTICIPATION: DECONSTRUCTED GERBER!
THE CHOIR – 10:00PM (BBC America) A documentary show about a teacher trying to form a choir at one of England’s toughest schools. Ooooh, I’m so scared. Tough British youth! They’re hardcore. They drink tea out of DIXIE CUPS and don’t care who knows it! Anyway, this reality show promises to be a lot like “Glee,” if “Glee” had more gun violence. And really, shouldn’t it? ANTICIPATION: JAZZ HANDS SAVE LIVES!
WORK OF ART – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) They booted John last week, which made no sense given that they had their pick of nutjob Eric or Christian Lady and kept both. Christian Lady is particularly irritating. Every sentence is, “As a Christian…” Listen, lady. I think it’s great you’re a Christian. But it needn’t be a condition of every sentence out of your mouth. “As a Christian, I’m really enjoying this burger.” “As a Christian, I think this floor could use a good mopping!” “As a Christian, I wish you had used your turn signal!” Enough. Boot her. ANTICIPATION: CRAZY!
PREGNANT AT 70 – 8:00PM (TLC) Please don’t show the birth please don’t show the birth please don’t show the birth. ANTICIPATION: BIRTHY!
REAL WORLD: NEW ORLEANS – 10:00PM (MTV) Yes, because the Gulf wasn’t quite oily enough these days, MTV had to go and send down its annual crew of self-absorbed imbeciles. This season’s cast features a girl named Jemmye, and that’s really all you need to know. ANTICIPATION: UNGRATEFUL YOUTHS!