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The Pitch: It's Time for "Resident: Underworld"!

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Kate Beckinsale returns from 12 years in a deep freeze to slide into her black bodysuit to do battle with some horrible monster, Opens January 20, 2012. (Published Wednesday, May 30, 2012)

    Sony has cornered the market on Action Franchises Starring Gorgeous European Women Written and Directed by Their Husbands, as the studio is home to both "Resident Evil" (Milla Jovovich and hubbie Paul W.S. Anderson) and "Underworld" (Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman). With "Underworld" delivering a fourth installment tomorrow, and "Resident Evil" dropping a Sony commerical trailer for its fifth film, isn’t it time Mila Jovivich and Kate Beckinsale came together?
     
    It's easy enough to imagine. Hell, it writes itself:

    The camera cuts back and forth between footage of each woman running down a long hallway, being chased by zombie/lycans. As some indeterminate projectile sails toward the back of their heads, each woman goes into a knee slide at an intersection in the hallway, only to crash into each other. After some snarling at each other, they jump up to the safety of an overhead air duct, leaving behind their pursuers. A fight breaks out between the two factions, but instead of the lycans and zombies finishing each other off, they infect each other, creating a super race of umbrella-wielding zombie werewolves! And Jov-insale is humanity's only hope!

    "Underworld Awakening"

    [NATL] "Underworld Awakening"
    Kate Beckinsale returns from 12 years in a deep freeze to slide into her black bodysuit to do battle with some horrible monster, Opens January 20, 2012. (Published Wednesday, May 30, 2012)

    Sure, there'd be some things to work out—which woman would get top billing, whose husband would write? Whose would direct? Would it be in 3D (just kidding--of course it'll be in 3D). But there's precedent for settling these issues, as Fox got everyone to play nice for "Alien vs. Predators," which was directed by--wait for it--Paul W.S. Anderson! And that thing made more than $170 million without the benefit of an uber-fox in a shiny leather outfit.

    Between them these franchise have hauled in more than $950 million worldwide. In fact, the box-office performance of these films is so relaible, that Sony's stopped screening them for critics. Is there any chance "Resident: Underworld" would rake in less than $100 million?