Cowell's signature phrase, "I don't mean to be rude, but …", was usually inevitably followed by an unsparingly blunt appraisal of the contestant's talents, personality, or physical appearance.
Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things tonight that may possibly be worth abandoning those plans to rob the liquor store. LET’S GO!
WINTER OLYMPICS - 8:00PM (NBC)
Tonight features the men’s figure skating short program. And there’s one question on everyone’s mind: Can American Johnny Weir manage to pull off… wearing fur? Or will he cave to the veteraterrorists? Also tonight: the Men’s super combined skiing finals. By “combined,” they probably mean you must ski and spin a plate of eggs at the same time. Also: The women’s snowboard cross finals, and the women’s 500M speed skating finals. I love me those fast ladies. ANTICIPATION: SEQUINS
AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00 PM (FOX)
Part of the final 24 singers will be chosen. A quick word to you Hollywood Week rejects who leave the auditorium crying your eyes out: I have NO sympathy for you. None. I heard some guy say, “This was my last chance. Maybe in another life.” Idiot. “American Idol” is not the only path to music superstardom. It just happens to be the EASIEST. That’s why these people are crying, because they’re too lazy to go out and earn their fame the way countless current artists have. You people can still form bands and play every dive bar out there you can until you finally catch a break. But nooooooo, you wanted to take the express train. Tough luck, guy with glasses who murdered that Gwen Stefani song. ANTICIPATION: CRYTASTIC!
NCIS – 9PM (CBS)
I finally watched this show for the first time last week. It is the #1 show on TV, after all. They will only cast you on this show if you have a REALLY deep voice. Does it sound like you gargle gravel and smoke eight packs every morning? NCIS has a slot open for you. ANTICIPATION: THROATY
LOST – 9PM (ABC)
Tonight's episode name: “The Substitute." What does it mean? Is it a clue? Is Locke alive again? AM I ALIVE? IS THIS ALL AN ILLUSION? WHO WAS JESUS?! ANTICIPATION: QUESTIONABLE
WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW FINALS – 8PM (USA)
A countless number of primping pooches stroll the floor of Madison Square Garden. It’s like a doggie grotto. ANTICIPATION: TAIL WAGGING, TONGUE HANGING OUT