Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and say a silent vigil for Bret Michaels. No way I’m letting Bret Michaels go to the Valley Of Lost Souls before his time. LET’S GO!
AMERICAN IDOL – 8PM (FOX) Shania Twain returns to the judge’s table for her own theme night. Twain, in case you missed it, was excellent in the preliminary rounds. Her analysis was spot on without any grandstanding. Now she’ll be judging this weak crop of Idols singing her own catalog. God knows how this bunch will ruin her oeuvre. I see a coffeehouse version of “That Don’t Impress Me Much” in our future.
Reality shows are noted for their harsh judging, but you will find that, as the number of contestants are whittled down on a show like “Runway” or “Idol,” the judging takes a turn. In some ways, the judges have to sell you on how talented all the finalists are, because they were the ones responsible for giving you this supposed cream of the crop. The finalists have to validate the judges’ opinions (and the show itself), and that’s why you’ll see a lot of smoke blown up these kids’ tushies, even from Simon himself. Which is silly, given that this year’s “Idol” batch is so weak and useless. I’d like to see Simon say, “You know what? This is total waste of a season. We should boot them all.” But he won’t do that. Probably because he’s far too busy packing a suitcase. ANTICIPATION: LAST LEGS!
GLEE – 9PM (FOX) Tonight’s songs all feature the theme of home, and Broadway star Kristen Chenowith pops in to sing and dance and do all that stuff people on “Glee” do. The most notable cover this evening is of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful,” a song for unattractive people sung by a wildly attractive person. A little pedantic, dare I say. ANTICIPATION: WORDS CAN’T BRING GLEE DOWN
BIGGEST LOSER – 8PM (NBC) The seven remaining contestants travel to Dallas in a quest to get Texans to eat healthier. Good luck with that. There are a lot of people with guns down there, and it’s not to defend themselves from the government. It’s to defend themselves from celery. ANTICIPATION: FAT FAILURE
30 FOR 30: SEE RICKY RUN – 8PM (ESPN) A profile of Dolphins running back Ricky Williams. One of tonight’s revelations is that Ricky’s father was charged with “sexually annoying” him when he was 6. Sexual annoying people is a crime? Oh man, I should be serving 90 consecutive life sentences for my hair alone. ANTICIPATION: WEEEEEED!
HELP! I’M TURNING INTO A GIANT! – 8PM (TLC) You mean this ISN’T a Sly Stallone/Billy Crystal comedy vehicle? Color me surprised. ANTICIPATION: BIG!