Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and seek counseling after Ricky Gervais made fun of you in his Golden Globes monologue. Seriously, Hollywood. You people are the most thin-skinned, humorless group in the history of the universe. I know members of the Taliban who are more mirthful than you are. Take your ribbing like a grownup and move on with your life. LET’S GO!
BIZARRE FOODS – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Andrew Zimmern is back for another season of eating weird stuff and trying to convince you it tastes quite tender when his horrified eyes tell you otherwise. Tonight, Andrew is in Syria eating camel sausage. I’ve been told that most camel sausage is 60% hump. And not the good hump either. ANTICIPATION: MY HUMPS!
PIONEERS OF TELEVISION – 8:00PM (PBS) Tonight, PBS spends two hours profiling three of the biggest names in the history of science fiction on TV: Gene Roddenberry, Rod Serling, and Irwin Allen, who created “Lost in Space.” Did you know Martin Landau was offered the part of Mr. Spock before Leonard Nimoy was? Imagine what the universe would be like if that had happened. Who knows? Maybe Nimoy would have won an Oscar for playing a drug-addled Hungarian in “Ed Wood.” Now that would have been something. ANTICIPATION: NERDS!
WORST KITCHEN IN AMERICA – 9:00PM (DIY!) One woman who claims to have the worst kitchen in America has it renovated to look like something Alice Waters would be willing to fry an organic egg in. I bet I can top her for worst kitchen. My kitchen is filthy. It’s unheated. There are tools all over the place. Two cars are parked inside it. Exposed wires are everywhere. There isn’t even a fridge or an oven! Wait, wait. This is a garage, isn’t it? I guess that doesn’t count as a kitchen. ANTICIPATION: MARBLE ISLAND!
MEDIEVAL FIGHT BOOK – 10:00PM (NatGeo – an NBC/Universal network) Discover the secrets of a recently unearthed 15th century combat manual. The first rule of the fight book? You do NOT make jokes about the first rule of fight book being that you do not talk about the fight book. Because that joke was old ten years ago. ANTICIPATION: LANCING!
I, PREDATOR – 8:00PM (Animal Planet) First law of predators: A predator MAY harm a human, and is in fact encouraged to do so. Tonight, a polar bear takes on a seal. I think you know who ends up prevailing. Andrew Zimmern will eat the loser. ANTICIPATION: SEAL SAUSAGE!