Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and make noodle pudding. LET’S GO!
JERSEY SHORE – 10:00PM (MTV) Sammi isolates herself from the rest of the group, and can we please take that as a cue to erase her from the show entirely? She’s dumb as a brick. ANTICIPATION: NO SAMMIS!
BEYOND SCARED STRAIGHT – 10:00PM (A&E) Ah, the old “take juvenile delinquents to an adult prison and have the prisoners scare them to death so they won’t end up going to prison” trick. Works EVERY time, except for 85% of the time. Anyway, join A&E as they start up a new series where young criminals get the field tour of maximum security facilities. Maybe they won’t be scared straight, but you the viewer at home certainly will be. I remember watching a version of this show on MTV once and there was a 50-year-old prisoner with one tooth and a glass eye and he was telling the kids, “You don’t ever want to come here! This place is Hell on Earth! You don’t want to be near people like me!” And boy, did I believe him. Last time I steal yogurt pretzels from the Giant, I tell you that. ANTICIPATION: JAILBAIT!
TARGET: INSIDE THE BULLSEYE – 9:00PM (CNBC) It’s an hourlong special taking a look at what makes the retailer so darn successful. Is it the shrewd advertising? Is it their signature blend of good taste and low prices? Are they the store of choice for people who won't shop at Walmart? OOH! LOOK AT THIS COOL STORAGE BIN! ANTICIPATION: BUSINESS TIME!
ACE OF CAKES – 10:00PM (Food Network) Betty White guest stars, and now is the time for the Betty White backlash to begin. It’s a new year, America. Time to find a new random celebrity to crush on. There’s also a “cake-balancing” contest tonight, which sounds aggressively pointless. ANTICIPATION: OVERKILL!
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal Network) Camille begins to see ruptures in her marriage to Kelsey. Also, Kyle gets all mad that her nieces Paris and Nicky Hilton don’t attend her daughter’s college graduation. Why on Earth would you want the Hilton sisters showing up and ruining your daughter’s graduation? “Oh please, come and upstage our kid and bring 10,000 Eurotrash photogs with you!” Fool. ANTICIPATION: SHALLOW!