Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and curse that ump who cost you a perfect game last night. There you were, 26 batters down and one left to go. And then umpire Jim Joyce goes and blows the first base call and TEARS THE FABRIC OF AMERICA ASUNDER WITH HIS LEGENDARY NIMCOMPOOPERY. You’ll never get over it. LET’S GO!
NBA FINALS, GAME ONE: LAKERS VS. CELTICS – 9:00PM (ABC) It says the game starts at 9PM, but I promise you that thing won’t tip until roughly 9:42PM. Basketball and baseball love to roll like that. Anyway, you know the deal here. It’s the two most storied franchises in basketball squaring off in the Finals for the 12th time. The rich get richer, I tell you. With Rajon Rondo playing out of his skull and Kobe Bryant being Kobe Bryant, this series should be an entertaining one. If LA wins, you have a bunch of LA flakes celebrating. If Boston wins, you get a bunch of Revere steakheads running out into the streets to yell out YANKEES SUCK! I really, really wish Phoenix had made it the Finals. ANTICIPATION: LEGENDS!
BURN NOTICE – 9:00PM (USA) It’s the season premiere of USA’s frothy spy series. Gabrielle Anwar can hunt me down and kill me any time she likes. ANTICIPATION: GABRIELLE ANWAR IS UNREASONABLY ATTRACTIVE
ROYAL PAINS – 10:00PM (USA) And we also have the season premiere of USA’s show about a doctor in the Hamptons. And it’s pretty amazing that someone can make a series about a doctor living in the Hamptons that doesn’t make me want to put my fist through a desk. ANTICIPATION: RICH PEOPLE GETTING INJURED!
HOW MUCH IS YOUR DEAD BODY WORTH? – 10:00PM (CNBC) It all depends on if you have a skeleton reinforced with adamantium. If you do, your corpse could fetch a pretty penny over in certain parts of Eastern Europe. I happen to know that my dead body is worth over $576,000. I know this because I melted down 85 gold bars and drank them before writing this. ANTICIPATION: YOU CAN’T HAVE MY GOLDEN BELLY!
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK (FINALE) – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) It’s the season finale of this show about rich women who hang out with each other but don’t actually like each other. Tonight, one of them sings. Seems unnecessary. ANTICIPATION: SNOBBY!