MIAMI BEACH, FL - APRIL 05: Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is seen in South Beach as filming begins for "Jersey Shore" on April 5, 2010 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Troy Rizzo/Getty Images)
Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and put on your acrylic nails. LET’S GO!
JERSEY SHORE – 10:00PM (MTV) At long last, after a lengthy hiatus and a potentially series-ending contract squabble, The Situation, Snooki and the gang return to your TV for all new episodes featuring drinking and fighting and drunken fighting. For the beginning of this season, the crew is hanging out in Miami, classing up every nightclub they attend. Tune in while you can, for it won’t be long before all the fame and money is gone and Snooki is forty years old and scooping ice cream in the ‘Squan to pay for her six children from five different men. ANTICIPATION: CHEESY!
PROJECT RUNWAY – 9:00PM (Lifetime) The reality stalwart is back for another season with an expanded cast, a longer show (90 minutes), and plenty of Michael Kors gettin’ all catty with the contestants. Tonight the newbies will be forced to rework an item from a competitor’s suitcase. I know my Old Navy beer bottle boxers would make the perfect sundress if you had enough thread and Febreze handy. ANTICIPATION: FIERCE!
ON THE ROAD WITH AUSTIN AND SANTINO – 10:30PM (Lifetime) This new show features former Runway contestants Austin and Santino touring the US and designing looks for everyday women to celebrate. Wait a second. This is on right after “Project Runway”. Does that mean “Models of the Runway” has been canceled? And the models on that show won’t be talking anymore? Oh, please let that be the case. I’ll give my sewing arm for it (NOTE: I cannot sew). ANTICIPATION: INSPIRING!
CONFESSIONS OF THE DC SNIPER WITH WILLIAM SHATNER: AN AFTERMATH SPECIAL – 10:00PM (A&E) The “sniper” part makes sense to me, but the “Shatner” part really threw me for a loop. Will he be singing the details of each shooting? Because that would be weird. ANTICIPATION: NAME YOUR SHOT!
CELLBLOCK 6: FEMALE LOCK UP – 10:00PM (TLC) Tonight’s theme is mothers and daughters behind bars. Probably not as saucy as Cinemax would have you believe. ANTICIPATION: JAILBAIT!