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Tony Romo’s Simpson Revenge Tour Continues

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Tony Romo’s Simpson Revenge Tour Continues

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The buxom blonde who came under scrutiny for packing on the pounds earlier this year.

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How about that Tony Romo? He hasn’t been picked in three games, the best stretch of his career. He’s thrown eight touchdowns in that span. His passer rating in steadily inching up towards 100. And his team is now in first place. Since starting the year on shaky ground, Romo has rebounded to resemble the brilliant young passer Cowboys fans adored in the beginning of 2007.

So what was Romo’s secret? How has he managed to turn things around and regain his precious swagger? Is it the emergence of Miles Austin? The consistency of the Cowboys running game, one of the league’s best? The power of his backwards hat? Hardly. Try KARMA.

That’s right. I submit to you that Romo’s rebound is the direct result of good juju in the wake of his breakup with Jessica Simpson. It’s true, and I have proof! You may remember, earlier in the year, that Romo’s buxom ex-girlfriend attempted to put a curse on both Romo’s love life and his fortunes with the Cowboys. Well, since Simpson issued that vile hex, karma has bitten her back with a fierce resolve. Coyotes stole her dog. Burger King made fun of her weight on national TV. Twitter makes her write breathtakingly inane things like, “I am falling asleep encountering this intense moonlit dream.” And now that bad juju is spreading to the rest of Simpson’s family, as her sister Ashlee was fired from the CW’s Melrose Place reboot!

 

Ashlee Simpson's diva behavior got her booted from the CW hit 'Melrose Place', a source close to one cast member tells Fox411.

"Ashlee was kicked off 'Melrose Place' because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members," the insider spills. "It created a lot of discord among the cast."

Another big problem, says the snitch?

"She could barely act."

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH A ROMO, JESSICA? Not only do you suffer, but so do the fortunes of those close to you. You have tangled with the WRONG gunslinger my dear. That hex you placed on Tony has boomeranged back at you a million fold! YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE AS WE SPEAK.

I think it’s clear what’s happening here. We all remember Simpson showing up for the Eagles game in 2007 and ruining the season for Romo and the Cowboys. Now that Romo has cut Simpson out of his life, that cursed fog is now lifting over him. He has been released from her big-breasted clutches and is FREE! FREE TO SOAR!

And wouldn’t you know it? Romo and the Cowboys play the Eagles on Sunday Night. Everything shall come full circle. The Cowboys will win. Simpson’s ghost will be fully exorcised, and the Cowboys will ride to glory. Mark it down. My astrologist told me so.

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