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Today In Downgrades – Jessica Simpson Dating Billy Corgan

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    NEWSLETTERS

    As you know, I’m a big believer in the vicious hexing power of Jessica Simpson and her enormous breasts. Even over the past 13 weeks, as she and Tony Romo have NOT been a romantic item, I’ve felt her evil pull on Dallas’ favorite team. She placed a hex on the Cowboys and they did well. Then she publicly reversed her stance, embracing the Cowboys, and the team now stands poised on the verge of experiencing yet another late season fall into the abyss.

    Well, perhaps now Simpson finally has a new target for her particularly effective brand of karmic mayhem. Showbiz Spy reports the singer has rebounded from her relationship with Tony Romo by falling into the arms of… Billy Corgan?

    Jessica Simpson has a new man in her life — she’s hooked up with rocker Billy Corgan, according to reports.

    The singer/actress — who has previously been romanced by singer John Mayer and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo — is “officially dating” the Smashing Pumpkins frontman, a friend of Jessica’s has said.

    “She has fallen hard and is smitten,” the source told E! News.

    Obviously, now Simpson is free to begin causing all sorts of terrible things to happen to Corgan. I predict that Corgan will soon go bald, have ugly teeth, develop a singing voice that is little more than a dog-killing nasal whine, and form a group called Zwan that everyone hates.

    Wait, what? All those things already happened? Well then, I bet his parakeet dies when she tries cleaning his cage with an egg beater.

    Congratulations, Tony Romo and the Cowboys. At last, you may finally be free of this woman’s nefarious witchcraft.