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The Picks: Cowboys at Vikings

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The Picks: Cowboys at Vikings

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Falcons' Matt Ryan

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It’s that time of week. Time to man up and make your pick for this week’s game. Get it right, and you’ll become filthy rich. Get it wrong, and you will find yourself trapped in a mine with 32 other starving and desperate men. For two months, you will be forced to endure permanent darkness and suffocating heat and you hope and pray for rescue. Then, at long last, you will be lifted up from your underground prison in a very small capsule. Then, a bunch of newsmedia people will prevent you from showering, which is all you ever really wanted to do after you got out. DO NONE OF THEM UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SMELL LIKE A ROTTING TOOTH RIGHT NOW?! Here we go:

Peter King: Vikings 27, Cowboys 20. “Minnesota is also disadvantaged at quarterback, with injuries to Brett Favre's elbow and psyche.” Yes, poor Brett’s psyche. How gritty of him to drag himself out on to the field when the MRI clearly shows that the psyche has a Grade 3 strain! It’ll have to be injected with cortisone. Let’s see a punk like Brandon Marshall try and play with that kind of psychic ailment! By the way, 27-20 was the exact same score Peter used for the Dallas game LAST week. Cut and paste job!

Five of Ten ESPN Experts: Vikings. Or the Cowboys, depending on whether or not you’re a glass-is-half-full type of person. I hate that metaphor. Who leaves a glass half full? Just drink it or top it off, you loser.

Michael Silver: Vikings.

64% Of Yahoo! Users: Vikings.

Pete Prisco (CBS): Cowboys.

Andy (Cowboys fan I know): Cowboys 30, Vikings 6 (“Dude, sending girls a picture of your junk is such a jayvee move. If you really want to turn them on, send them a picture of your dog. Melts their heart right on the spot. THEN send them the picture of your junk.”)

Index Card I Threw Up In The Air With The Name Of Each Team On Either Side, Seeing Which Team Would Land Face Up: Cowboys (Index Card record: 2-2)

The Wife: Vikings.

Me: Guhhhhhhh. Do I really have to choose winner between these two underachievers? Can’t they find a way to simultaneously disappoint us by all getting arrested before the game? How can I pick Dallas after they blew that Titans game last week with that idiotic celebration penalty? How can I pick Minnesota knowing the old man will try and play despite it clearly being in the best interests of the Vikings to start Tarvaris Jackson? How do you pick this game when you know they’re both gonna find a way to blow it? Shoot me in the face. I expect both pass rushes to destroy the QBs, resulting in a desultory, low-scoring, brutal game that will be utter agony to watch. COWBOYS 10, VIKINGS 9.

Yours in the comments.

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