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The Official Coffee of The Dallas Cowboys Is...

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

    The deal, announced today, which will make Dunkin' Donuts "The official coffee of the Dallas Cowboys," will also manifest itself in Cowboys Stadium, via "pour stations," at which fans can purchase coffee, hot chocolate, iced tea, etc, and signage around the stadium.

    "We are proud to have Dunkin' Donuts as a partner in our new home," said Jerry Jones. "The quality of their coffee is unmatched and exactly what our fans expect when they come out to Cowboys Stadium."

    This is half-true; outside of, you know, winning games, a good cup of coffee--pure and fresh, like the dew on the grass after a spring thunderstorm--is exactly what the American football fan thirsts over. Well, that, and gaudy amounts of Miller Lite--cool and fresh as a mountain stream--which, as it turns out, is the official beer of the Dallas Cowboys.

    The two aforementioned companies are just two of nine official this-or-thats of the team (the team has yet to release a complete list) that we could count. These include Ford (the official automotive partner), Bank of America (the official bank), American Airlines (the official airline), Papa John's (the official pizza), Wingstop (the official wing), and Wholly Guacamole (the official quacamole).

    At this point, one would be tempted to ask, "Why stop there?" But this would be based on the assumption that the team will stop there, and really, this seems doubtful. A few humble suggestions:

    Trojan: The official condom of the Dallas Cowboys

    AIG: The official insurance corporation of the Dallas Cowboys

    Jean shorts: The official fashion faux pas of the Dallas Cowboys

    Iridium: The official chemical element of the Dallas Cowboys

    Nickelback: The official painfully-over-rated-rock-band of the Dallas Cowboys

    Biting your nails: The official bad habit of the Dallas Cowboys

    Kanye West: The official self-involved toolbag of the Dallas Cowboys

    Hustler: The official smut magazine of the Dallas Cowboys