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Terrifying Shirtless Man With Ponytail Really Likes The Cowboys

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    NEWSLETTERS

    You know, there’s a certain downside to being America’s Team. Sure, being America’s Team means the Dallas Cowboys have a fanbase that stretches from the East Coast to the West Coast, and from Mexico to the Canadian border. That’s delightful. But being America’s Team means you also collect your fair share of yahoos and shirtless nutjobs from all over. It’s a very large pool of crazy to draw from. And from that pool comes Matthias, a Cowboys fan from Southern California who sent us this video of his new proposed “chant” for his favorite team. Do not watch this video with small children or animals around. In fact, you may want to refrain from viewing it altogether.

     

    Yep, he’s shirtless. And he has a ponytail. Why? Well, honestly, why not? It’s California. They’re casual like that. Matthias sent us this video with the following message:

     

    Performed & composed by 50 year old MATTHIAS

    Temecula, Southern California - August 16, 2010

    A gift to all Dallas Cowboy fans and Mr. Jerral Jones ...

    All the best, Matthias

    And what a gift it is. It’s like being given Cowboys Stadium all over again. I watched this video in its entirely several times for you readers, because I love you. And I transcribed Matthias’s chant so that you can have it READY TO GO when you show up for the home opener. Get ready to have your skull blown.

    We sell. Out. Every game because we’re the best team in the world,

    We’re the Dallas Cowboys of Arlington and we will ROCK YOUR WORLD!

    Come on, Cowboys! Let’s put on a show!

    Come on, you Cowboys! Let’s get to the Super Bowl!

    Come on, Cowboys! Let’s put on a show!

    Come on, you Cowboys! Let’s get to the Super Bowl!

    Come on, you Cowboys! Let’s get to the Super Bowl!

    AHHHHHHH!!!

    (makes serial killer face)

    That transcript is a touch cold. It really sings when it’s delivered by a crazy guy who looks like he played Henchman #46 in “The Expendables.”

    Anyway, I salute Matthias for his gift to the Cowboys, and especially admire how he was able to rhyme “world” with “world”. Not an easy task. I think, with a little public support, we could get this played in the Jerrytron before every game. Tell me that wouldn’t fire you up. You’re the Dallas Cowboys of Arlington and you will ROCK THEIR WORLD! AHHHHHH!!!