Ah, university newspapers. Those reliable bastions of junior journalism that house the opinions of students too young to know anything and far too arrogant to realize it. It used to be that the delightful stupidity of college newspaper opinion columns were confined to school campus grounds. But, thanks to the Internet, these hilariously misguided arguments are available for ALL of us to treasure.
This means you, Justin Baer! Yes, it seems one Justin Baer of Baylor University, who writes a column called The Baer Necessities (What a pun! He’s already displaying quasi-Rick Reillyish qualities!) for the Baylor Lariat. Today, Baer published this column, in which he deems Cowboys QB Tony Romo mentally unfit to be the team’s leader into the future. Let’s explore Justin’s daring attempt to sound EXACTLY like Jay Mariotti.
After witnessing the 34-3 walloping the Cowboys received by the Minnesota Vikings, it's unequivocal that Romo is not the solution at quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.
You hear that, folks? UNEQUIVOCAL. Never mind that Tony Romo is the most accurate QB in Cowboys history, and has already guided the team to two division titles and a playoff victory. Justin Baer is here to bring you THE HARD TRUTH.
Granted, Romo spent most of his Sunday afternoon fleeing from defensive linemen, but the sixth-year quarterback still made amateur mistakes on a paramount level.
Note how Justin used the word “paramount” in a completely incorrect and needless display of vocab skillzzzz. Steve Young likes the cut of his jib. Never mind that the Cowboys o-line couldn’t block for anything on Sunday. ROMO IS CLEARLY A FAILURE.
While Romo has the tangibles to make a decent NFL starter, he will never lead the Cowboys to the Super Bowl for the same reason Miami Dolphins' kicker Ray Finkle collapsed in the Jim Carrey movie "Ace Ventura."
Please note that Ray Finkle is a fictional character. Not an actual person. So the fictional kick he made never actually existed. Also, from Baer’s reasoning, we can only assume Tony Romo will soon disguise himself as a female police chief.
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No. 9 isn't the franchise quarterback many hyped him to be.
Like what the quarterback did to country music star Carrie Underwood, it's time for Jones to dump Romo. Hopefully for the Cowboys, Jones won't downgrade like Romo did.
Oh, SNAP! Now Baer is bringing the heat!
I agree with Baer. The Cowboys should totally dump their young, talented, and winning QB for, like, SOMEONE ELSE! Maybe that Willie Beamon from “Any Given Sunday”! Now there’s a fella who can come through in the clutch!
You folks out there best look out for this Baer fella. He’ll be on Around The Horn before you know it.
