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Six Fearless, Hopeless Predictions for Week 9 at Green Bay

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Six Fearless, Hopeless Predictions for Week 9 at Green Bay

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ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 31: Fans of the Dallas Cowboys wear brown paper bags over their head as they watch the Cowboys play against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Cowboys Stadium on October 31, 2010 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Chris Chambers/Getty Images)

*In a shocking and long overdue move, Wade Phillips will be fired after losing to Green Bay. He will then grow a beard, and land a job at Macy’s as the most convincing Santa Claus in the history of shopping malls. 

*Tony Romo, of course, will not play Sunday night in Green Bay. Undeterred, several fans will still find a reason to blame him for the 21-9 Dallas loss. These reasons will include: “He didn’t cheer hard enough;” “His stupid hat is a morale killer;” and “Gotta blame somebody.”

*In a series of events eerily reminiscent of an episode of “the Simpsons,” Jerry Jones will instill a mandatory calisthenics program for all employees of the team. Desperate to get out of exercising, head coach Wade Phillips will then intentionally balloon to 300 pounds to get on workman’s comp.

*The stands at Lambeau Field will erupt in violence when the public address announcer informs the crowd that vendors have run out of any form of cheese.

*Inspired by children’s soccer leagues, Wade Phillips will campaign the league to begin awarding every player on every team--regardless of final record--a trophy for participating.

*Embarrassed after another Cowboys loss, and a little tipsy, Jerry Jones will announce a plan to keep the seats at Cowboys Stadium full: Beginning in week ten, free whiskey for all! The promotion will last just under one half, and result in 904 injuries, 76 ill-advised hookups and 14 deaths.

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