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Six Fearless, Hopeless Predictions For Sunday at New York

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Six Fearless, Hopeless Predictions For Sunday at New York

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October 31, 2010: (L-R) Quarterback Jon Kitna and assistant head coahc/offensive coordinator Jason Garrett of the Dallas Cowboys look on from the sideline against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington.

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1.) The announcers of Sunday’s game will insist on calling the New York Giants the New York Football Giants. Dumber fans will be grateful, as before this, they were unsure of what sport they were watching.

2.) After another poor performance from Jon Kitna, and unwilling to play Stephen McGee, the Dallas Cowboys will sign “Steamin’” Willie Beamen, a Dallas native and veteran of the Miami Sharks of the AFFA (Associated Football Franchises of America). Fans will quickly notice in Beamen a strong resemblance to Jamie Foxx.

3.) Watching Sunday’s game, a 41-year old former All-District quarterback will try to convince his wife that he could do a better job than Jon Kitna.  His wife will reply, appeasingly, “I know you could, honey.”

4.) After watching the Cowboys lose their eighth game of the season, a recently divorced local man will think to himself, “My life just can’t get any worse.” He will then be stung by a bee.

5.) Upon turning on the game Sunday, the uninformed girlfriend of a diehard Cowboys fan will remark to her boyfriend, “Has Wade Phillips lost weight?” The man will shake his head and sigh deeply.

6.) In the fourth quarter of Sunday's game, a large pack of wolves will inexplicably burst onto the field at the Meadowlands, and do what the Cowboys’ defense couldn’t. Namely, stop the Giants’ run. Jerry Jones will attempt sign the beasts to a large, longterm contract before being informed by Commissioner Goodell that wolves are not permitted to play in the NFL.

 

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Related Topics Jerry Jones, Jon Kitna, Wolves
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