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Six Fearless, Hopeless Predictions For Sunday Vs. Philly

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 31: A Dallas Cowboys cheerleader performs at Cowboys Stadium on October 31, 2010 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Chris Chambers/Getty Images)

    1.) Tashard Choice will post over a hundred yards and a touchdown for the second consecutive week, leaving Jerry Jones further embarrassed by his remarks last week, that Choice wasn’t getting carries because of poor special teams play. After the game, Jones will admit his mistake soberly and candidly.

    2.) After undergoing some tests on Saturday, it will be revealed that Dez Bryant’s fractured ankle has healed. Doctors will attribute the quick recovery to that fact that, much like Wolverine from the X Men, Bryant has an adamantium skeleton capable of healing itself almost immediately.

    3.) Miles Austin will be frustrated twice on Sunday: first, when the Eagles double-cover him in the absence of Dez, and then again, after the game, when he can’t get the straw into the little straw-hole thing on his Capri Sun.

    4.) In order to limit the considerable mobility of Michael Vick, cornerback Orlando Scandrick will sneak across the sidelines and tie Vick’s shoelaces together. Vick will quickly notice the laces, and be highly confused.

    5.) After a Cowboys win, Jerry Jones will assess the game as such: “It was like the first Rocky, in that the guys from Philadelphia lost, but also like Rocky II because they came back at us hard, and a little like Rocky V because it was a street fight. Also, it was kind of like Rocky Balboa, because it happened in the past ten years.”

    6.) Currently the leading vote getter for the Pro Bowl, Michael Vick will fall dramatically in voting after dogs teach themselves how to fill out ballots.

     

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