EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - NOVEMBER 14: Dez Bryant #88 of the Dallas Cowboys celebrates after his first quarter touchdown reception against the New York Giants was confirmed by video replay on November 14, 2010 at the New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
2.) Hank Williams Jr. will burst onto the field during pregame, microphone in hand, and sing an all-too-topical song about the Cowboys-Lions game that’s about to take place, concluding with the always-rhetorical question, “Are you ready for some footbaaaaall?” Someone will then politely inform him that it’s not Monday, but Sunday. “Oh,” he’ll say, “Sorry ‘bout that.”
3.) After leading the Cowboys to victory over the Lions on Sunday, Jason Garrett will live up to his nickname “The Redheaded Jesus,” when he is accosted maliciously by a large group of Romans.
4.) Quincy Carter will attend the game, and not be arrested for anything.
5.) Saturday morning, Bigfoot will be captured, alive, in the woods of East Texas. He will be signed by the Cowboys that afternoon, and inserted in the starting lineup at right tackle on Sunday, taking the place of Marc Colombo. Their playing styles will be remarkably similar.
6.) While watching the game on Sunday, I’ll hear a knock at my door. I’ll open it. Six Italian supermodels, with an inexplicable interest in American football will ask if they can watch the game with me. “Shucks,” I’ll say. “Come on in.” We’ll then bask in the glow of television while warming ourselves with hot cocoa, and by other means.
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