1.) DeMarcus Ware will have a career day on Saturday, recording six sacks and an interception against the miserable Arizona Cardinals’ offense.
2.) In the third quarter, an actual cardinal will fly onto the field and land majestically at midfield. Ware will sack him, too.
3.) For Christmas, Jerry Jones will buy me 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords-a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids-a-milking, 7 swans-a-swimming, 6 geese-a-laying, 5 golden rings, 4 colly birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. I’ll thank him earnestly, but wonder how all this stuff is going to fit into my apartment.
4.) In the fourth quarter, it will begin snowing in Glendale. It will be called a “Christmas Miracle” by all in attendance, until it’s discovered that it’s not actually snow falling from the sky, but marshmallows, from a marshmallow factory adjacent to University of Phoenix Stadium, that has exploded.
5.) The night before the game, Jerry Jones will be visited by three ghosts: the ghost of general managing past, present and future. Their message will be, essentially, that Jones needs to change his ways and stop serving as the team’s GM. Much unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, however, Jones will learn nothing from his otherworldly encounter.
6.) After a particularly brutal helmet-to-helmet hit, Cardinals’ quarterback John Skelton will be overheard remarking that all he wants for Christmas is his two front teeth.
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