DETROIT - FEBRUARY 3: Sports writers Michael Wilbon and J.A. Adande (R) arrive for the ESPN The Magazine Next Party during Super Bowl XL weekend February 3, 2006 at the Colony Club in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images)
Ah, Michael Wilbon. So reliably snotty and pedantic. You can always count on Wilbon to look down upon the common sports fan with an air of abject disgust. You poor, ignorant, helpless little sports commoner. How could you possibly understand the nuances and social implications of sport the way a CLASSICALLY TRAINED AND EDUCATED JOURNALIST could, much less one who likes to play with heads on sticks?
People who don't know a safety from a tight end have been counting down to this week since the combine in Indianapolis, since the first minicamps, since the interminable draft, since OTAs, since two-a-days, since preseason…
And if most don't know the difference between a 4-3 and a 3-4, they probably do know the issues of the day, the betting favorites, the coaches on the hot seat and the drama queens…
That’s you, Mr. Average NFL Fan! How could you, a mere peasant, possibly know the difference between a safety (plays at the back of the defense) and a tight end (plays offset from offensive line, is eligible to catch passes)? You cannot. Only Wilbon could know such things. The rest of you are drooling, clueless imbeciles who merely do what you’re told.
Thankfully, Wilbon has emerged upon his mount and bestowed upon us all his predictions, which are far more credible and knowledgeable than anything you could come up with. He picks the Saints and Ravens to make the Super Bowl. He also picks your Dallas Cowboys to win their division, though doesn’t see them doing much beyond that:
The Cowboys, like Notre Dame, are so continually overrated the view of the team is totally distorted. Even if there's enough talent, it's a team that doesn't seem to have the mental makeup to be a contender… and once again probably won't be a factor beyond the first week of the postseason, if that.
Of course, everyone overrates Notre Dame. I can’t believe they were ranked in the Top 10 coming into this season. What’s that? They weren’t? They weren’t even in the Top 25? Oh well, they’re STILL overrated, I tell you. Because some people like them! And people liking things is bad! Like the NFL! Too many people like it, and that is a bunch of JUNK.
I’ll reiterate my stance on this: Michael Wilbon is a haughty gasbag who is decades removed from being in touch with normal sports fans, most of whom know precisely what a safety is and what a tight end is. He’s a dinosaur, leftover from an era when columnists were wildly overpaid and could get away with acting like they knew better than you. Wilbon is a fraud, who likely knows less about the NFL than you because he’s too busy playing golf with Michael Jordan and fetching Charles Barkley snacks from the vending machine. The fact that he hates Dallas makes me want to put $5,000 on them to win it all immediately. So take comfort, average ignorant NFL fan. You’ve been blessed with the disapproval of a true phony of an expert.
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