By now, you know that the NBA season is in grave peril. Two weeks of games have already been canceled, with more on the way, leaving NBA players to fend for themselves and accept the best Turkish league contract they possibly can. One of the freshly unemployed is Miami Heat forward LeBron James, who took time out Tuesday to jokingly ask around for a job in the NFL:
"When is the deadline for a team to sign a free agent?" James tweeted at (ESPN NFL reporter John) Clayton.
"LeBron, sorry to get back to you so late," Clayton responded. "Trade deadline next Tuesday 4 p.m. Free agency goes until last team is eliminated. Game on..." James responded back. "All good," he said. "Thanks Clayton!"
Oh ho ho! That LeBron! So charming when he's being the world most despised athlete. I've long held firm that LeBron enjoys tweeting with people in the media and starring in awful Mickey D's ads over the actual playing of basketball, so he must be in pig heaven right now, able to sell himself without all that pesky "winning a championship" stuff getting in his way.
However, if we were to take LeBron's jokes seriously, there are some things you need to know about James' football pedigree. First off, he played wideout in high school, and he was very good at it, so much so that he could have gotten a full ride to any BCS school he would have liked. Secondly, LeBron is a Cowboys fan. He's also a Yankees fan even though he grew up in Ohio, which makes him the world's worst human being, but I digress.
Now that you know LeBron is a Cowboys loyalist, it's easy to construct in your mind a scenario in which James ends up getting a tryout with Jerry Jones. After all, the Double J likes stars, and the Cowboys are clearly in need of help at wideout. I could see Jerry bringing in LeBron for the media attention alone, then telling people he was "shocked" at how easily James picked the game back up, then signing James, then demanding James get the ball 17 times a game, then LeBron openly pouting about not getting the ball enough, then LeBron dropping every pass in every fourth quarter, then LeBron opting for free agency and telling Jim Gray he's heading to the Patriots. IT'S AS CLEAR AS DAY IN MY MIND. I hate him even more now that's become an imaginary cancer in the Cowboys locker room. He's like TO and Roy Williams combined!
Anyway, it's but a dream as is right now. But if David Stern finally nukes the whole NBA season, who knows? Maybe you'll get to see up close why LeBron is the most annoying sports figure in America today.