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Know Your Garrett Replacements: Jerry Jones

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Every time the Cowboys lose, we’ll profile potential replacements for Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett, should he be fired by the end of the season. Today, it’s Jerry Jones!

    Name: Jerral Wayne Jones. THE DOUBLE J HISSELF! YEEEEHAWWW! WOOHOOOOO HE IS CRAZY!

    Career Record: 0-0

    Credentials: None. None at all. But hey, the guy has wanted to coach this team ever since buying it. He may as well just get it out of his system now, so that he can lose thirty games in two years, fire himself, realize he knows nothing about football, and then maybe finally get around to hiring a real general manager and a head coach with some juice. Surely, a failed stint as the head coach would finally teach Jerry a lesson, right? RIGHT? No? You’re right. It probably wouldn’t. It would probably cause him to name himself quarterback.

    However, while Jerry coaching the team would be an unmitigated disaster, it sure would make for an INTERESTING riveting disaster. Think of all the majestic scorn you could heap on Jones if he were arrogant enough to dare naming himself head coach. Think of all the analysts piling on him. Think of what a laughingstock he’d become. There’s something undeniably appealing about that.

    Weaknesses: Everything. Man, would it suck to see him on the sidelines with a headset, vigorously clapping all the time. There’s nothing worse a football person who thinks he knows more about football than he actually does, and Jerry Jones is the living embodiment of that ethos.

    Odds Of Being Named The Next Cowboys Coach: 200,000/1. I’m not sure it’s actually possible for Jones to name himself head coach according to league bylaws. But hey, rules are made to be broken. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE THE OWNER OF THE DALLAS COWBOYS, SONNY!

    Do You Want Him?: Let us know in the comments.