Last week, we brought you the inspiring story of Mr. Elliot Boney, who bravely photographed two Cowboys fans allegedly having sex in the bathroom at Cowboys Stadium during the Carolina game. It was a real heads up play by Boney to catch these two randy folks cowpokin' each other. Perhaps he should play quarterback for this team. At least he wouldn't throw to Sam Hurd twice in a row with the game on the line.
Anyway, the incident brought up any number of questions. Is this appropriate behavior in a family venue? Did the man use protection, thereby setting a good example for any young boys walking in? Was the floor clean? I hope it was clean. I don’t think it was clean. But the biggest question of all is: Did Jerry Jones watch the video?
Now, we all know the Double J enjoys himself a roll in the hay. Give him five minutes, and he’ll take you to heaven. And the new Cowboys Stadium IS quite a romantic place. It’s so big. And girded. And expensive. It’s like Venice with a big TV.
Well, Jerry went on the radio the other day and admitted that yes, he did watch the offending video.
On our midday show at 105.3 The Fan, I nervously asked Jerry Jones this morning if he had, um, seen the video of two fans "christening" Cowboys Stadium last Monday night in Arlington. After joking that he had called several committee meetings to investigate the situation, Jones simply said: "Yes. ... That's it."
After watching the video*, Jerry consulted with his engineers and determined that the man’s positioning was all wrong for the stadium’s aesthetic. He then demanded the couple use the reverse cowgirl position, which makes sense when you think about it. He asked that the woman not raise her bosom more than three feet off the ground, lest it ruin the view. Jones also gave the couple a tub of Viagra-spiked Wholly Guacamole and a $5 coupon to any Dallas-area Ruby Tuesday restaurant. Of all the chain restaurants out there, Ruby Tuesday has by far the best bathroom floor to do it on.
*He may not have said these things. I may have made these up. But he did see the video.