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Hatcher Gets Stuck In An Elevator

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Cowboys defensive end Jason Hatcher had himself a little incident last night.

    Four hours after leaving practice, Hatcher got into an elevator and promptly got stuck there for 15 minutes. The fire department had to be called into rescue him and everything. Luckily for both him and for us, Hatcher was still able to post to his Twitter feed from his temporary prison, and his tweets tell the harrowing tale of a man on the edge of sanity. 

    I'm stuck in the elevator.. They can't get me out til the people get here in 15 min.. Smh!!! I got sleep to get!!!!

    For you Twitter neophytes, "SMH" is shorthand for "shaking my head," as in Jason is currently shaking his head at his unfortunate predicament. 

    The fire department are come get me out!!! Smh!!! What a night!!!!

    Again shaking his head. And note the use of multiple exclamation points. This is clearly a desperate man, a man on the verge of going loco if someone doesn't come to his aid. Thankfully, the good people of Twitter responded with comforting words throughout the ordeal.  

    @hatcher97 omg! That's crazy... you poor thing. You need #WaffleHouse after all this! My treat!

    Dude, you promise me a free trip to Waffle House and I'll get myself stuck in an elevator for a freakin' week. Anyway, the fire department did indeed eventually come and rescue our man, who tweeted this picture after finally getting out. Oh, the relief.

    In 1999, a man named Nicholas White got stuck in an elevator for forty-one hours. Now that's jussst a bit longer than the fifteen minutes than Hatcher got stuck in there, but still. Getting stuck in an elevator for any amount of time is always terrifying, because your first thought, no matter who you are, is that you will NEVER get out. You'll be left there forever, with no one to rescue you, and you'll have to start eating your own limbs and peeing in the corner just to stay alive. Or you'll have to attempt a daring exit out of the top of the elevator only to have the adjacent car swoop down and chop your head off. Or you're stuck in elevator with someone else and you'll be forced to either kill that person or make babies with them. It's a real mindbender.

    So if you see Jason Hatcher today, go easy on him. The man just went through something we all fear. And I bet that one girl never did treat him to Waffle House afterwards. SMH.

    HT: Dallas Morning News


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