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Five Questions: Cowboys Offseason

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Five Questions: Cowboys Offseason

AP

Which team's cheerleaders are hotter? Eagles or Cowboys?

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The season’s over, which means it’s time for our final installment of five questions. Sad, I know. I’ll miss answering my own questions as much as you’ll miss not reading it. Let’s get right to it.

1. Will Dallas make the Super Bowl next year? No, and here’s why. Given the progress the Cowboys showed this year, the natural inclination of all pundits will be to anoint them the chic pick to win the NFC next year. And that is always a death knell. You NEVER want to be the chic pick. Look at the Eagles this year. Everyone said they were the best team in the NFC, and they DIED. You want to be like the Cowboys were this year: doubted by many, only to surprise everyone. It always works out much better for you that way. I think Dallas will play well next year, particularly on defense. But I still think they lack a head coach who will, once the playoffs arrive, outsmart the other team.

2. Will a punter hit that video board next year? No. Mike Scifres and Shane Lechler failed. That’s pretty much all you need to know. No one will ever hit that board. And, if they do, the down will be replayed and they won’t hit it again. A shame that controversy never became an actual controversy. Would have been nice to get those free green bean fries.

3. Ugh. The offseason. What the heck do I do with myself now? Did you know certain unlicensed Latin American doctors are putting people with severe pain into voluntary comas to help “reboot” their systems? I’d opt for that.

4. Well, I guess I can watch the rest of the playoffs. Who should I root for to win it all? The Saints. You’re a Texan, which means you should be a good neighbor.

5. OOOOH, LOOK! SCOTCH! Did God invent Scotch to help get us through the offseason? He sure did, my friend. He sure did.

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