*The Patriots’ defense won’t be able to stop a nosebleed on Sunday. Specifically, they won’t be able to stop Vince Wilfork’s nosebleed, one of those “for-no-reason-at-all” nosebleeds. Free safety Patrick Chung will suggest he just shove some tissues up there.
*After another late collapse, Jerry Jones will grasp for something positive to say about his team. “I can tell you now, most of the guys in that locker room are very sharp dressers,” he’ll say.
*Spurring on accusations that the Patriots get information about opposing teams in less than honest ways, head coach Jason Garrett will discover that the ficus tree in the opposing locker room isn’t a ficus tree at all, but a Patriots employee in a semi-convincing ficus tree disguise.
*The above turn of events will remind Garrett of an old episode of Scooby Doo.
*The Patriots’ mascot “Pat Patriot,” and the Cowboys’ mascot “Rowdy” will have a contest to see whose smiling, unmoving facial expression is more creepy. It will end in a draw. A creepy, off-putting draw.
*Miles Austin won’t be able to catch a cold in his return to action. Because he’ll remember to take his vitamin C before kickoff, and finish the game with seven catches for 103 yards and a touchdown.
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