Everything has been going so swimmingly for Tony Romo the past week or so. His team beat the favored Texans and got back on track. His passing numbers are excellent. He got the week off. But there is a cloud still hanging over Tony’s head. A yoke. A terrible, horrible burden that threatens to crush him and Cowboys forevermore. I speak, of course, of Romo being named the 31st Worst Sports Choker Of All Time by the New Zealand Herald! No! NOT THE HERALD! THEIR WORD IS LAW!
You can take a look at the list below. Romo ranks just below the 2004 New York Yankees, and well below the 1993 Oilers and Scott Norwood, the only other American football names on the list. And who tops the list? The 1999 New Zealand rugby team. Well, I’ll be. Isn’t it just like a New Zealand newspaper to pick a New Zealand team for such an honor. BLOODY CULTURAL BIAS IS WHAT I SAY! This whole list is littered with players and teams from crummy sports like soccer, rugby, soccer, cricket, and soccer. HOW CAN YOU CHOKE IN CRICKET WHEN THE MATCHES NEVER END?!
You listen to me, New Zealand. You lousy bunch of sheep-herding, cheese-making, epic-picture-directing Hobbits. You may think you’re so awesome and that you know everything. You may flit about the streets of Auckland watching your toilet water spin counter-clockwise and mispronouncing your short e’s. BUT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT TRUE AMERICAN SPORTS CHOKING! Tony Romo doesn’t belong at 31st on this list. If anything, he should at least be 26th. I wonder how you people even sleep at night, knowing what you’ve done to this man’s precious psyche. YOU JACKALS!
Dallas shall have its revenge upon you, New Zealand. You’d best not venture out of Oceania, my friends. Who names a continent Oceania? Sounds like a bad stripper’s name.
The 40 greatest chokers in sport (as decided by a bunch of weird New Zealanders. I don’t know half the names on this list)
40: Andy Murray, 2010
39: Barcelona, 1986
38: Lewis Hamilton, 2007
37: England rugby union team, 1991
36: Bernhard Langer, 1991
35: Alex Bogdanovic, take your pick
34: Frank Bruno, 1996
33: England cricket team, 1987
32: David Bedford, 1971
31: Tony Romo, 2007
30: New York Yankees, 2004
29: Europe Ryder Cup team, 1999
28: Roberto Duran, 1980
27: England cricket team, 2006
26: Tim Henman, 2001
25: Paula Radcliffe, 2000
24: Gareth Southgate, 1996
23: Devon Loch, 1956
22: England football team, 1970
21: Jana Novotna, 1993
20: New Zealand rugby team, 2007
19: England football team, 2010
18: Gavin Hastings, 1991
17: Newcastle United, 1995-96
16: Scott Norwood, 1991
15: Colin Montgomerie, 2006
14: Jimmy White, 1992
13: Chris Waddle, 1990
12: Dustin Johnson, 2010
11: Don Fox, 1968
10: Houston Oilers, 1993
9: Doug Sanders, 1970
8: Guillermo Coria, 2004
7: Somerset cricket team, 2010
6: Jean van der Velde, 1999
5: Scott Hoch, 1989
4: Asafa Powell, 2007
3: Greg Norman, 1996
2: South Africa cricket team, 1999
1: New Zealand rugby team, 1999
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