Wasn't this supposed to a Super Bowl year for the Cowgirls? A home game at JerryWorld in February — wasn't that the plan? Looks like someone lost their GPS on the way and ended up "swimming with the fishes" at SeaWorld instead.
Your new head coach, Jason Garrett (also known as the next Norv Turner) seems to have given you guys a little bit of optimism. Sorry, but we just don't see any reason for that. John Kitna has almost as many turnovers as touchdowns. That three-headed running back attack never disengaged the parking brake. The offense just lost its best playmaker, and the defense (currently second-worst in the NFL in points allowed) never had one to begin with. Even your kicking game is unreliable.
Can't wait to see Sunday's game and the ridiculous number of points Michael Vick and the Eagles are going to lay on that big blue star. Remember 44-6? This is going to be even better.
Yes, yes, this was supposed to be our Super Bowl season, and though the turn this season has taken is a dismaying one, I don’t see any reason to drive all the way down to San Antonio to swim with fishes at SeaWorld. It's far too cold, and the water park isn't even operating right now, and that's the best part.
You’re wrong about Jon Kitna. He doesn’t almost have as many turnovers as touchdowns, he has one more turnover than he has touchdowns. But under Jason Garrett, he has thrown for seven touchdowns and just two picks. Our defense has been better under Garrett, too, and while David Buehler might not be as reliable as your David Akers, he could totally beat him in an arm wrestling match.
Anyway, there's only so much I can say to defend the Cowboys right now. Y'all are playing quite well, certainly better than us. Who knows, maybe you'll even make it all the way to the conference championship before losing. You're pretty good at that--like the early-nineties Bills but on a slightly lower level.
I expect to be sad come Sunday night, but not because the Cowboys lost to the Eagles. Recent history would suggest that that won’t happen (remember that time we swept you last season?), and besides that, we have nothing to lose. No, I expect to be sad because last week’s Boardwalk Empire was the season finale. I love that show.
It's all well and good to blame everything on poor ol' Wade Phillips. His bemused looks on the sidelines certainly were a joy to behold. But I'm not buying that he was the problem.
Sure, the 'Boys are 3-1 since Jason Garrett took over, but who have they beaten? The fraudulent Giants? A Detroit team with four wins in the last three seasons? They needed overtime to knock off the reeling Colts, against a version of Peyton Manning who's throwing picks like they're going out of style. Oh, they almost beat New Orleans. Let's file that under: Dallas is almost worth considering as a worthy opponent, and Roy Williams is almost bad enough to make people stop watching the NFL.
As a city well used to disappointing outcomes, we rarely go into games overconfident. But this game's been marked on the calendar for weeks with a big doodle of a cupcake. Time to fly.
See ya Sunday night,
Let me start by saying that blaming things on Wade Phillips is a proud Texas tradition, and one that we hold quite dear. So excuse us if we seem to be pinning all the blame on Wade. It’s not all his fault--probably just like 87%.
Is Jason Garrett bona fide? We don’t really know. But I can tell you that in wins over the fraudulent Giants, the miserable Lions and the reeling Colts, you’ve won by a combined 15 points; under Garrett, the Cowboys have won over these teams by a combined 32. And really, shouldn’t you be thanking us? If we hadn’t so thoroughly whipped Donovan McNabb and his Eagles thrice last year, McNabb may have never been traded and you may never have discovered how good Michael Vick could be. So, you know, you’re welcome. Feel free to send money or beer, or maybe a DVD set of the Rocky movies.
Anyway. As I’ve said before, when you’re out of playoff contention long before the temperature drops below 75, there’s not much one can say as far as reasonable trash talking goes. Instead, let me offer a word of advice from an already disappointed fan to an inevitably disappointed one: It’s always a good idea to keep some whiskey hidden around the house, for the sadness.
Got anything to add ... yours in the comments.
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