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Cow-Toys!

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Cow-Toys!

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Combing the toy aisle at your local Wal-Mart on your seemingly endless rounds of Christmas shopping, you may come across a curious imbalance in the quality of plastic renderings of current Dallas Cowboys. At least, we did.

First, a Roy Williams action figure around six inches tall.

Williams' figure looks as though the manufacturers unclothed a G.I. Joe from the early-seventies and slapped a Detroit Lions, Rod Marinelli-era, no.11 uniform on him. The figure (somehow) is not discounted as he stands rigid, his arms hanging at his sides undefined, which is only really bad if compared to the foot-tall Tony Romo figure sitting on the shelf below.

Romo's figure is suggestive of Leonidas, from 300, surrendering his initial career choice of King of Sparta in favor of a career quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys. Romo's arms are misleadingly athletic, which isn't to say Romo is an unathletic schlub, but that he's no superhero--or, for that matter, Tim Tebow. Yet his arms burst forth like Jose Canseco, mid-cycle in 1991, testing his sleeves as he looks to pass.

Plastic Romo's face, too, bears a slight resemblance to Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko, which is to say, kind of weird and off-putting.

These alterations to Romo, if you will, will cost you.

The foot-tall quarterback runs $28.76. That's roughly 57 tacos at Jack in the Box, 28 lottery scratch-offs or 1.4 copies of Jessica Simpson's Major Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous on DVD.

Related Topics Tony Romo, Roy Williams
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