Twitter. You don’t get it. It scares you. It’s just people posting little messages about themselves. What is the point of that? Can’t people just pick up the phone anymore? IS THIS SOME KIND OF PORNO THING?!
Fear not. As one of the resident bloggers here at Blue Star (and a veteran tweeter), I’m here to bridge the gap between you and techno whiz kids out there. I’m not here to judge. I don’t think you’re old or out of touch just because you don’t like Twitter. I envy you. I envy you’re ability to stay out of the Matrix, holding off on opening an account and becoming obsessed with it, checking your follower totals again and again and again until you haven’t even realized the 10-month-old has tumbled down the basement stairs. You’re right to keep away. In fact, I’m going to do you a favor and filter out on ly the GOOD stuff from Twitter, namely the random tweets of Cowboys tight end Martellus Bennett. Yes, it’s time to break out my MartyB-to-English dictionary and prepare you for another round of Martellus Bennett’s Twitter feed, explained. Here we go.
Thinking Ima make a party song... Wat yall think?
“I’m thinking of composing a celebratory melody? Would that be all right with all of you squires?”
WTF!!!!! It's snowing outside
“My heavens! There’s snow, which is unusual given the location and climate!”
@ivorytabb Ima tell diddy on u
“Ivorytabb, I am going to tell Sean Combs of your transgressions, and then he will refuse to listen to your demo!”
@ivorytabb u got a f'in snuggie u jus lost some cool points
Ivorytabb, why did you purchase a blanket with sleeves? Do you not know that is a cheap gimmick product? Wait till Sean Combs hears of this!”
“I am laughing VERY hard, oc2!”
@hiphopnonstoptv hahaha I'm jus f'n with yall lol
“I played a prank on you!”