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A Quick Guide To Burning Your Tony Romo Jersey

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A Quick Guide To Burning Your Tony Romo Jersey

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Untitled from Deadspin on Vimeo.

Despite Dirk Nowitzki's protests, you can forgive Cowboys fans for having had their fill of Tony Romo right now. Any fan could be driven to insanity watching Romo whiplash from genius to idiot on a weekly basis, which is why a handful of fans have already started the annual Burning Of The Romo Jersey ritual.

Now, there are many ways to burn a Romo jersey, all of which involve some sort of firerpoof container and whole lotta lighter fluid. But after that, you can get creative. YouTube user tnseclx opted for this tasteful burning ceremony, using his outdoor fireplace and eschewing any kind of voiceover.

As you can see, Romo's jersey doesn't burn particularly well without the constant addition of lighter fluid to the pyre. That is such a Romo thing to do. You can't even burn his jersey consistently. However, this two-minute video is oddly soothing in a way. It's like your local TV station throwing up a Yule Log video during the holidays. Makes me feel all warm and toasty inside. But for a better burn, you need more than just lighter fluid. YouTube user rcboy42 knows this, which is why he decided to burn Romo's jersey using firewood underneath, a smart move. Behold!

I quibble with the size of the fire rcboy made, because it's so very small. But note how he holds the jersey up and dips it into the flames, instead of just laying the jersey on the fire. Again, very smart move. That helps the oxygen continue flowing to the flames, giving the jersey a nice, consistent burn.

Again, this video features a minimal amount of voiceover, and while I appreciate the silence, a good jersey burning usually includes some kind of speech by the aggrieved parties, often addressed directly to the athlete, to let them know A) Why their jersey is being burned and B) That they suck bad. I also like it when children get involved, and the YouTube user at the top of the page was more than happy to oblige on that front.

 

Tony, you hafta quit throwin' innerceptions!

Indeed. Sometimes, the biggest problems require the simplest solutions. Tony Romo throws too many crucial interceptions. Well, has anyone told him emphatically to STOP doing that? And burned his jersey to add a point of emphasis? Because that might help. I like that the dad had his kid do the lighter fluid too. Better the child be in danger of burning to death than you!

So hats off to you, Romo jersey burners of the world. In the embers of your $60 replica jerseys, perhaps Tony Romo can gain a bit of perspective and stop driving you to commit wardrobe arson.

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